Out to Beautiful, Be Back Never

This post is a long time coming. I wrote this piece a couple weeks back as I reflected on some things. I share these things because I believe in honoring my truest self. To the ladies out there, this is for you. That you may know Your Beautiful is who you are right now and that you always remember to honor it daily. To my brothers, that you may understand and continue to show love and respect for every woman's Beautiful in your lives. To my friends, my girls, this is the result of you keeping me in check. Thank you. Read, listen, reflect. 

From me to you.

D.

Out to Beautiful

Somewhere in the last six months I lost something, or rather I gave that something up. The thing you ask? - My Beautiful. You see in the last few months I've been adjusting to life after school and all that that has entailed; moving to a new city, meeting new friends, making profound self discoveries and making equally profound mistakes. The experiences I've had thus far have been humbling and entirely full of God's grace. But I've realized in the last couple of days that I seem to have lost, misplaced, no, given away My Beautiful to the place know as My Insecurities.

You ask, Girl, what is your Beautiful?  My Beautiful is something I've carried with me for a long time, even before I was born. It was given to me by my mother and God, and the multitude of great women and men in my life. It’s been passed down from generation to generation in the passage from childhood to womanhood. When I was younger, my mother taught me that absolutely nothing and nobody could take My Beautiful away, and that it was entirely my own responsibility to take care of it – to look after it. She taught me to be wary of the mirrors and glittering lights in life for they often lead you to confuse your exterior circumstances for Your Beautiful. You see, I learned that My Beautiful is not validated by people, make-up, clothes, soft whispers or the "right" words. I learned that My Beautiful is solely loved by me and that I alone am its keeper and protector. Those lessons have guided me throughout my life. Caring for My Beautiful has kept me from being moved by lingering glances, misleading advances, and vanity – most of the time. I've sought to nurture it with the mercy of God’s love, the milk of his redemption, and the confidence of these Ugandan hips. At times when I've failed My Beautiful, abandoned it for the New Thing- the glittering vanities of beauty and attention- I seek forgiveness; my apologies bathed with I love you’s, reminding it that it is, was, and will always be loved.

What I've realized as I survey these last couple of months is that I have found find myself, a growing woman, walking around without My Beautiful; that I've given it away to pursue the trivial vanities of attention and affection. These are the mirages that inhabit the land of My Insecurities, where beauty is bottled up in a pretty face, the number of likes on a picture, or how many times my phone number is exchanged. Where getting attention matters more than honoring my heart. My Insecurities is a place where good enough is validated by other’s words or opinions. Here, words are bought cheap and given effortlessly.  It’s a sick place for it lacks one thing. Truth. So with God’s help, I don’t go there often.

Please understand. I know full well were my beauty lies. Ultimately it was given to me by an outcast on a bloodied cross. He is the author, finisher, and perfector of my faith and My Beautiful. Sometimes though, it takes realizing the illusions of My Insecurities and the disappointment that comes with those illusions to recognize the necessity of honoring and safe guarding My Beautiful. Now, I’m doing just that, seeking forgiveness from My Beautiful. And as I take back My Beautiful from the place of My Insecurities, I embrace my truest beauty and all of my glorious imperfections. I see the mirages of My Insecurities for what they are: sad attempts to taint My Beautiful and hinder me from living the wild life I've been called into. Ha! Thank God it’s been a short lived detour. So I’m packing my bags. I’m leaving the place of My Insecurities and I'm taking My Beautiful with me. And I aint never coming back to this place again. 

Doris Sempasa

ps. This may have also  been inspired while jamming to some India Aria. She'll get you.