Considering the Lilies

These are not lilies. image source

It's been a while since I've posted on here. And honestly, I just haven't been quite in the mood. Its not that I haven't been inspired or that I've been too busy. Its just that I haven't felt like writing. If you've been following me here on my blog, you'll know that basically this has become a space for me to document all that I have been learning in the last few months. And man, the School of Life; it'll teach you some things. But now I'm back and I'm ready to share some of the lessons I've been learning lately and what God's been putting on my heart.

Even though lists are often easier, this needs to come out like real talk. So we're going to take it back old school..paragraph style.

Really, it all starts with this verse that one of my pastors used recently. "Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin." (Matthew 6:28) Now, I am not great when it comes to remembering scripture. Clearly, because when I heard this the other day, I remember thinking to myself, "Jesus said that? That's in the Bible?" And the funny thing is I've definitely read/heard this verse many times before. But all those times I glossed over it, I totally missed the point. I missed the profound truth that lies behind those words. Its amazing how God can use some of the most seemingly insignificant verses in scripture to be applicable to our lives at just the right time.

In this passage, Jesus is laying it out to the disciples to not worry about about their lives. And not the type of pat on the back message of "don't worry, you'll be alright." But really commanding them not to worry, like at all. He basically says to them don't do it, don't waste your time worrying, nothing at all comes from it. Then he takes them and shows them (I imagine much like Mufasa showing Simba the kingdom) and says look, look at the birds of the air and the fish of the sea. Look how day in and day out I take care of them without them worrying about the food their going to eat and whatnot, and heck those little things don't even matter, they're just there for decoration (interpretation mine.) How much more will I take care of you? How much more will I provide for you?

This is where the consider the lilies part comes in, in the next verse. This is where I got a new revelation to the truth behind these words. Its not just that Jesus is showing us an example of how much  he provides for us. He is also reminding us to stop, be still, and consider where I have you right now. Stop the constant go, go, go and breathe. Consider the lilies, almost like stop and smell the roses, right? But more like, consider where you are right now. I've taken care of you, I'm taking care of you, and I will continue to take care of you, of every situation, every challenge, every desire, every setback. Consider the fact, that this place where you are at right now, is exactly where I want you to be. This pastor said it like this, "No one wants you to be where you want to be more that God wants you to be where you want to be." So know that God has you right where he wants you.  Don't worry about what you ought to be doing, where you ought to be, if you'll make it, etc. God has a plan for you exactly where you are. Take some time to think about that. Ask God, what is he using you, your story for, exactly where you are. It could be your physical location (God, why am I sitting in this chair? jokes) or possibly a situation you are going through. But take some time to consider how God is building your story just where you are.

Maybe you don't consider yourself spiritual or religious, and you're thinking, "Doris, what the heck are you talking about?" That's okay. Who ever you are, where ever you are in this life, catch this: Trust the process. Trust that there is a purpose for exactly where you are. Consider the lilies, consider why you are where you are at this very moment and be thankful that it is exactly where you need to be. Don't worry about tomorrow or the future. Don't be anxious about whether or not you'll make it, whether or not you're good enough, qualified enough, talented enough. Consider the fact that you are alive. You've been taken care of and provided for up until this very moment, this very breath you're breathing in. Now, I'm not saying don't be prepared or don't be ambitious. Those things are good, have dreams, have goals and desires. Or, if your facing challenges, know that even though it hurts in the meantime, know that you are taken care of and not forgotten. But always remember, there is purpose where you are right now, whatever you are going through and that He. will. provide. He will, it's kind of His thing.

Stay hungry, trust the process.

Doris



Notes:

• If you're in the DC metro area definitely check out National Community Church led by Pastor Mark Batterson. Listen to this message here.
• The above flowers are not lilies at all. I couldnt find a quality picture of lilies (they're kind of the ugly duckling of flowers) so lo-and-behold...roses. That'll just have to do.

Falling in love with the South.
It's like when you've written someone off,
and you spend a little more time with them.
And then you realize that you're madly in love with that person.

D.S.

Notes to Self #3

Are you alive?
Check that pulse of yours. You're breathing, right?
It doesn't matter what you are doing right now.
What you have, what you don't have, what you want.
You're alive. And you're hear to learn and to live.
To truly live.
So live.
Take it all in.
All this time. It's yours.
The time at the margins. The time in the trenches.
It teaches us. It shapes us. It changes us.
If we let it.
If we get up and face this world head on.
Everyday you must ask yourself, "Am I becoming that woman?"
Am I facing the world head on?
Dissapointments, setbacks, challenges, and all.
Or am I hiding under the blankets of self doubt, fear, and anxiety.
This life is not a contest. It's not a race. It's not a game show.
We all die in the end.
We get to take nothing with us.
If anything, this life, it's a learn by fire, trial by error, lifelong lesson in the language of relations.
It's a voyage in mastering the art of purpose and relieving ourselves from vanity.
You want to be becoming?
You have to start by being.
Now.
It starts by diving in. This very second.
In your thoughts, your dreams. Most importantly, your actions.
Dive into this life. Dive into all that it has to offer. Dive into knowing your deepest, truest self. Dive into making mistakes and making opportunities. Dive into forgiveness and the art of letting go. Dive into healing. Dive into the celebration of life around you. Dive into your roots and where you come from. Dive into love, over and over again.
But most importantly
Dive in.
It starts now.
It doesn't start tomorrow or the next day.
It starts now.
You're alive, right?

Listening to Now

Here's some of the music I've had on repeat lately. Really Good stuff.
Check it out.

Much Love,
D.

"First Time" by Dre Skull

"Hey Love" Quadron

"Q.U.E.E.N." Janelle Monae and Erykah Badu

"They be like ooh, let them eat cake. But we eat wings and throw the bones on the ground."

Yaaasss.

Doris vs. Reality: Updates

It's been a while, but I'm glad to have a little more free time to give back to this here blog. Lots of things have been happenin. I'm finally making out it from my MCAT cave. Back into the real world, and its feeling good. I received so much encouragement, prayers and support from my friends and family. It was truly incredible. Thanks so much for all the good vibes! I'm definitely relieved that that phase is mostly over for right now, but now its time to jump into yet another grind of job hunting and general life management mode. The stress and anxiety easily creeps in, but I've learned how important it is to let all that go and just trust God to open the right doors. So that's kind of where I am right now. Just trying to cast my nets far and wide and keep on chuggin.

In other news, how long was that video?! No joke. My friend was like, "I love you Doris, but 13 minutes!" I know. I know. I promise I'll make it shorter next time. And I'll try not to mess up the woman's quote from the dang video. In all seriousness though, thank you so much for taking the time to watch and listen. I definitely appreciated the thoughtful responses and comments. So much love.

Now that its not just me and my books anymore, I can focus on other exciting things happening soon, i.e. graduations and my dear friend's wedding. Really looking forward to these celebrations, and to making it back out to Cali for a bit and catching up with my peoples over there. Anyway, das it for now.

Much love,
D.

Notes to Self: #2

Lest you forget what home sounds like.

D.

Ch-ch-changes and... a video!!

Hey guys! I'm trying to spice things up on this here blog and thought about making a video. This is actually the second video I've made using my iphone. I just liked this one more so I put it up first. (Kappow Kappow!) I'll post the other one soon. Definitely feel free to let me know what you think. I'm always welcome to any thoughts and suggestions. I'm thinking these can be video diaries of sorts...(oh my gosh, who have I become!)...but in the meantime we'll just take it one day at a time. Anyway, please check out the video below, that would mean a lot. And also, leave your comments and suggestions below!!

Lots of love,

D.
ps. oh and sorry its so long. eek. Just bare with me.

Warsan Shire

Have you heard of the brilliance that is Warsan Shire? My God. This beauty of a human, so equipped with words has existed far too long without me knowing. Her work is brilliant and if you do anything in your next fleeting moments, definitely check out her tumblr, Warsan is Elsewhere. To learn about her and experience her work is to inhance your own story, so please, go forth.

Also check out her video, For Women who are Difficult to Love below. My skin is crawling.

Upwards and Onwards,

D.

Chinua Achebe

1930 - 2013

Rest in peace Chinua Acheba. Your work was a great revival to this second generation African girl. 

Notes to self: #1

stop kissing frogs.

My Alone

I love my Alone. I love the time when its just me and my skin.
Singing, dancing, cooking, breathing, laughing, thinking, dreaming.
I love my Alone. I love the peace and comfort that comes from this skin.
The brilliant, scary imperfections.
I love my screaming thoughts. My desires can be loud or as quite as the leaky
kitchen faucet. They can be still as the late afternoon air.
I love that my Alone needs no validation. No approval.
My Alone sings before an audience of one and is perfect every time.
My Alone is comfortable at the movie theater in the company of strangers.
My Alone is brave, throwing smiles to fleeting faces.
My Alone is forgiving. Letting me know that its never too late in the day to start over.
It gives me space to dream my dreams over and over and over again.
To smile on them, growing with anticipation.
My Alone is affecting, constantly reminding me of the people I have in my life
and constantly preparing me for others.
Even in my tangles with others, my Alone is always welcoming.
Always freeing, always celebratory of all that I am.

How I take care of myself

• cereal. all the time. anytime.
• long showers
• hot tea- ginger and lemon or Ugandan milk tea- there are healing powers in this tea
• drives to nowhere and everywhere
• reading
• writing
• good smelling lotion and oil. your skin is always deserving of some love.
• going to new places, where I don't speak or look like anyone around me. that's how I learn.
• good conversation with good folks
• avoiding pretentious small talk. you hate that stuff.
• sweet things. anything with cream cheese frosting on it.
• cooking something from scratch. it clears my head.
• the Cosby show. my goal in life is to be Claire Huxtable.
• old pictures to remind you how foolish you were/are.
• telling people how you really feel/what you really mean.
• being assertive
• not comparing my life to others
• realizing the magnitude of my own life
• being forgiving of myself
• talking me time.
• talking my time.
• Corrine Bailey Rae, Esperanza Spalding
• riding the city bus 
• calling my tribe - the collection of friends and family that keep me in check
• napping. anytime. anywhere
• praying. 
• Whitney Houston dance parties
• Beyonce dance parties
• dance parties
• dancing 
• good dialouge
•  not to taking life to seriously/personally

D.

Sunday Love Things

Some beautiful things from across the web to breath life into your Sunday afternoon. May these things bring a smile to your face and a little light into your life!

Insta Life

Since getting an iphone last month (yes, I was in fact living under a rock and had no notion of the glory that is the iphone) I've discovered the wonder that is Instagram. How wonderful that I can upload every shameless, Valencia hued, moment of my life onto the internet at all hours of the day and night! Its great! I am totally serious. Want to see my breakfast, my lunch, my jogging shorts, the many shameless self portraits I have? It's all there, and not a Kelvin filter in sight because, who uses Kelvin anyway? No one.

Anyway, on to the pictures. This is what my life looks like on Instagram lately...

On the Radar

One thing that I've developed a deep appreciation for recently is exploring black and African culture through video and film. One of the best avenues for this that I have seen are online web-series. And man, there is some really great stuff out there. It's amazing to see such a wealth of knowledge and expression through these various shows. Series like Akward Black Girl (ABG), The Couple, and Unwritten Rules are taking black entertainment to new heights and it is so refreshing. Each time I discover something new is like finding a well in the dessert. So I've gotta share my latest finds with you. Here is one web series that I am super excited to share. The second video is a preview/promo video for a great stage piece coming out soon by Liz Femi. Check them both out below!

African Time 

African Time is a series of interviews examining what its like to be African in America. There're really interesting and a couple of them definitely had me laughing in agreement. A simple yet brilliant way to capture the very shared experiences of Africans in the U.S.of A.

Take Me To the Poor House

Nigerian actress, Liz Femi, is the creative mastermind being this upcoming one-woman show. Based on her experiences as a young girl, Take Me To the Poor House, tells the story of a young girl who longs to connect to her Nigerian roots through poverty. I love a great stage piece, so I am really excited to follow Liz Femi's work in this piece.

Much Love,
D.

Throwback Thursday

 My brothers looking surprisingly cool; me looking unsurprisingly like a hot mess.

This was one of the first things I saw when I came home last weekend. Not much to say except I've never seen my brother look so cool. Look at him being all smug with his shades and aviator jacket...too much to handle. Clearly this stage of his life lasted all five seconds it took to take the picture! Kidding, he's still cool to me. 

Being home has definitely been an adjustment. There are so many memories of my young life in this house, games we used to play, old furniture we would climb on and eventually tear to pieces, neighborhood friends. Now coming back, those things have changed. Neighbors have moved away and things look a little different in our house. But the memories are still there. Its weird being the growing up version of yourself in the house you grew up in. It's kind of like wearing you favorite pajamas from when you were a kid. You know, the thermal ones. Except now with the sleeves coming up about 6 inches too short and the pants looking like you stole them from Steve Urkel. (Not like I've been re-wearing my childhood pajamas or anything.) Despite my terrible pajama analogy, the fact of the matter is the fit might no longer be the same but the comfort and the memories - they still are. And while I am adjusting to life at home, I must say that there's something great about being in the comfort of this old home, aaand the full on access I have to all my brothers' shockingly embarrassing pictures! Internet, get ready. Heyoo!

D.

Listening to Now - Somi

all pictures from Google images

So excited about my latest musical discovery. Such an incredible voice. Somi is a Ugandan-Rwandan American musician hailing from Champagne Illinois. A true multicultural woman, who spent part of her early life growing up in  Zambia, Somi's music traverses many cultural styles. I love that she refers to her style as New African Soul. I'm loving what I've heard so far and will be on the look out for more from her. If you're a fan of Rokia or Laura Mvula, you'll definitely love Somi. Check out her video below.

Lift Off

Too many bags!! My TSA dreams come true.

Yup. My journey in the San Francisco Bay Area has come to an end. I'm excited to be moving back home (I honestly, never thought I'd hear those words come out of my mouth.) But I actually am. I'm ready for this next chapter of my life, and I am realizing more and more each day that I have little control over where and what this journey looks like. I'm looking forward to spending time at home with my mom and family in Louisiana. Since I spent my last 2 years of high school in boarding school, I realized that I haven't lived at home in about six years. It's definitely bound to be an adventure, one in which my independence will most likely disintegrate into ashes.  But that's okay. I'm sure I'll make up for that in more than enough ways later on! While at home, I'll mostly be studying for the MCAT which I will be taking this Spring. Apart from that, I am looking forward to exploring my home city of New Orleans. Especially now that I'm old enough to learn about it on my own. There is so much depth to the city of New Orleans. I'm so excited to discover that through the people, the music, and most definitely,the food. There'll be lots of pictures for sure. It's strange leaving. San Francisco has been fun, and I'll always appreciate this city by the bay. Right now though, I have other things ahead of me, and I can't wait. So, right now I'm just going to make like a baby and head out! (some future OB/GYN humor for ya!)

Much Love,
D.

Create

“Go into the arts. I’m not kidding. The arts are not a way to make a living. They are a very human way of making life more bearable. Practicing an art, no matter how well or badly, is a way to make your soul grow, for heaven’s sake. Sing in the shower. Dance to the radio. Tell stories. Write a poem to a friend, even a lousy poem. Do it as well as you possibly can. You will get an an enormous reward. You will have created something.”
- Kurt Vonnegut
via (swiss-miss)

A Pep Talk for You

This video may just be the best thing that has happened to my week. 

From Kid President to you. Enjoy.

D.

Out to Beautiful, Be Back Never

This post is a long time coming. I wrote this piece a couple weeks back as I reflected on some things. I share these things because I believe in honoring my truest self. To the ladies out there, this is for you. That you may know Your Beautiful is who you are right now and that you always remember to honor it daily. To my brothers, that you may understand and continue to show love and respect for every woman's Beautiful in your lives. To my friends, my girls, this is the result of you keeping me in check. Thank you. Read, listen, reflect. 

From me to you.

D.

Out to Beautiful

Somewhere in the last six months I lost something, or rather I gave that something up. The thing you ask? - My Beautiful. You see in the last few months I've been adjusting to life after school and all that that has entailed; moving to a new city, meeting new friends, making profound self discoveries and making equally profound mistakes. The experiences I've had thus far have been humbling and entirely full of God's grace. But I've realized in the last couple of days that I seem to have lost, misplaced, no, given away My Beautiful to the place know as My Insecurities.

You ask, Girl, what is your Beautiful?  My Beautiful is something I've carried with me for a long time, even before I was born. It was given to me by my mother and God, and the multitude of great women and men in my life. It’s been passed down from generation to generation in the passage from childhood to womanhood. When I was younger, my mother taught me that absolutely nothing and nobody could take My Beautiful away, and that it was entirely my own responsibility to take care of it – to look after it. She taught me to be wary of the mirrors and glittering lights in life for they often lead you to confuse your exterior circumstances for Your Beautiful. You see, I learned that My Beautiful is not validated by people, make-up, clothes, soft whispers or the "right" words. I learned that My Beautiful is solely loved by me and that I alone am its keeper and protector. Those lessons have guided me throughout my life. Caring for My Beautiful has kept me from being moved by lingering glances, misleading advances, and vanity – most of the time. I've sought to nurture it with the mercy of God’s love, the milk of his redemption, and the confidence of these Ugandan hips. At times when I've failed My Beautiful, abandoned it for the New Thing- the glittering vanities of beauty and attention- I seek forgiveness; my apologies bathed with I love you’s, reminding it that it is, was, and will always be loved.

What I've realized as I survey these last couple of months is that I have found find myself, a growing woman, walking around without My Beautiful; that I've given it away to pursue the trivial vanities of attention and affection. These are the mirages that inhabit the land of My Insecurities, where beauty is bottled up in a pretty face, the number of likes on a picture, or how many times my phone number is exchanged. Where getting attention matters more than honoring my heart. My Insecurities is a place where good enough is validated by other’s words or opinions. Here, words are bought cheap and given effortlessly.  It’s a sick place for it lacks one thing. Truth. So with God’s help, I don’t go there often.

Please understand. I know full well were my beauty lies. Ultimately it was given to me by an outcast on a bloodied cross. He is the author, finisher, and perfector of my faith and My Beautiful. Sometimes though, it takes realizing the illusions of My Insecurities and the disappointment that comes with those illusions to recognize the necessity of honoring and safe guarding My Beautiful. Now, I’m doing just that, seeking forgiveness from My Beautiful. And as I take back My Beautiful from the place of My Insecurities, I embrace my truest beauty and all of my glorious imperfections. I see the mirages of My Insecurities for what they are: sad attempts to taint My Beautiful and hinder me from living the wild life I've been called into. Ha! Thank God it’s been a short lived detour. So I’m packing my bags. I’m leaving the place of My Insecurities and I'm taking My Beautiful with me. And I aint never coming back to this place again. 

Doris Sempasa

ps. This may have also  been inspired while jamming to some India Aria. She'll get you.

A regular man...

bold enough to dream an incredible dream. Today we honor you, your whole life, and every step you took so that we might be here.

source: pinterest via web

Love on a Sunday Afternoon

Give a look at the brilliance that follows. Film by Jamila Glass. Choreography by Adam Parson. So in love with the beautiful brown cast.This video, to the tunes of Janelle Monae's Say You'll Go. My Sunday afternoon perfection.

Love D.

Listening to Now - Oddisee

Just what I needed to start the weekend. Stumbled upon this song in the credits of a video I watched recently and immediately fell in love. This song has that Sunday Morning type of vibe. The artist is DC native and Sundanese American Amir Mohammed  el Khalifa. Anyway, check it out if you know whats good!

Music for your weekend.

D.

New Depths

This quote says everything...so excited to see what depths and heights God brings me to this year.

2013. It's officially here, and I am so excited to take in all that this year has to offer. Lots of people start the year with resolutions of what they want to do, achieve, or improve in the new year to come. I'm not so much about that, since I end up dropping whatever it is I've set out to do 3 weeks into the year. This year I'm making one promise...to go deeper. I want to love deeper. I want to explore this life to the fullest. I want to get wrecked by God's love. I want to be bold and meet new people, do new things. But even if I fail, even if I don't do all that I anticipate for this year, I want to at least say that I went all in this year. I put myself out there. I let people know who I was -all of me. That's what I want out of this year...to be ever present and taking every opportunity to live the amazing life I've been called into. Are you in?

Here are some things that I am seeking/praying for this year:

1. Diligence as I study and prepare to take my MCAT in spring. 
2. Exploring my home town of Slidell/ New Orleans, Louisiana. Meeting new people and gaining a new appreciation for the town that raised me.
3. Finding a spiritual and life mentor to help me walk through this new phase of my life.
4. A trip to India and Cambodia to explore God's love for his people. To experience the work that great people are doing to promote health and education for young girls in these countries.
5. Doing more -exercise, eating well - to take my body seriously
6. Listening better
7. Mentoring youth around me so they realize their power to do great things
8. Recognizing that I can feel the gravity of God's love everywhere - even better when you experience it whilst on top of a mountain or falling through the sky. (adventures to come!)
9. Remembering the insane amount of grace God shows me, and giving that to others without hesitation.
10. Trusting God in the process of who is making me to be and all the great things and people he has in store for me to share this adventure with.

The best is yet to come and I am so ready.

D.